The Uncomfortable Truth About Your Goals: Are You Ready to Change Them?
This week, I want to share an important lesson I've learned over the past few years: defining our career and life goals may seem simple, but if we choose the wrong method, the trajectory of our life and career can change drastically, leading us towards goals that ultimately do not matter to us.
It all started two years ago, when I was at São Paulo airport, waiting for my flight to Rome.
I took advantage of the five-hour layover to join a goal-setting workshop organized by one of the most famous real estate entrepreneurs in the United States. I won't name names, but some of the newsletter subscribers will recognize him.
I had high expectations for that workshop: paper, pen, and a strong desire to define my goals and action plan under the guidance of one of the people I admired most for real estate investments in the States.
Doubts arose as soon as the entrepreneur took the stage.
Not so much for his beach flip-flops worn with ease in front of an audience of aspiring investors, but for the cheesy phrases copied from the famous book The Secret: "If you can dream it, you can achieve it" and "Ask, believe, receive
The start was not the most brilliant.
And unfortunately, the situation worsened.
Epic music like "Gladiator" started playing, accompanied by a series of slides with images of private jets, business class trips, luxury cars, and beach villas.
The guru in flip-flops invited us to let ourselves be carried away by the notes and images to write, for 15 endless minutes, all the dreams we wanted to achieve in our lives: houses, cars, trips, sculpted abs, million-dollar bank accounts, etc.
No brakes, no filters, and no money limits.
The usual "American show-off" 🤦🏻♀️.
I admit that at that point, I was curious to see how far the flip-flop guru would go.
When he suggested creating a Vision Board (a collection of photos of everything we desire) to attract and achieve our dreams, I couldn't take it anymore and closed the computer.
There's a limit to everything. And honestly, I was really fed up.
Fed up with seeing myself and others constantly bombarded with the idea that we need to be, have, and become more.
Happier, richer, fitter, more successful.
If we follow these simplistic methods, we risk working hard or getting into debt for goals that at 60 or 70 years old we will discover are not relevant (like owning luxury items), neglecting instead aspects of life that are truly important (like taking time to be in nature and cultivating meaningful relationships).
This is the uncomfortable truth about our goals: if we define them superficially, we risk unconsciously using them as traps for our own insecurities and the desire to have and be more to gain others' approval. Ending up living a life and career we don't really want.
I left for Rome with a bitter taste in my mouth but determined to find a different method that would allow me to define goals not built to please others, but to make myself happy.
In October 2023, I finally found the method I was looking for thanks to the book Clear Thinking by Shane Parrish (a reading I highly recommend).
Let me introduce it to you.
Those who followed the Goal Accelerator Program - 2nd Semester 2024* already know it in a version I personalized, but it is always useful to review it in its original version as well. 😉
THE METHOD
The method proposed by Shane (specifically in Chapter 5 "Wanting What Matters") adopts a long-term perspective that spans your entire life, inviting you to reflect on the things that will be meaningful to you at the end of your life.
It is the famous Memento Mori (translated from Latin "Remember that you must die"), which many philosophers like Seneca, Marcus Aurelius, Montaigne, Pascal, and many others have spoken about.
I already know that some might be warding off bad luck or thinking:
"How sad, Silvia. Is it really necessary to think about death to define our goals?"
In my opinion, the answer is YES, and let me explain why.
Memento Mori is NOT an invitation to live with sadness or fear, but rather a call to awareness.
It reminds us to live each day fully and intentionally, focusing on what truly matters and enriches us as individuals.
Defining our long-term goals using Memento Mori allows us to filter and block all those superficial and material goals that risk overloading our career and life (which are already very demanding), focusing instead on what is truly important and meaningful to us.
Here is the method proposed by Shane:
Relax and clear your mind.
Imagine you are 80 years old and near the end of your life.
Think of a peaceful place: you are sitting on a bench in a park, on a beautiful autumn day, with a view of a river.
You listen to the water flowing and the leaves falling.
Reflect deeply and answer these questions:
What is happening in the life you are imagining?
Who are the people involved?
How have you influenced these people?
What have you done for them?
How have you made them feel?
What are the things you have accomplished?
What possessions do you have?
What matters the most as you approach your final days?
What seems to be unimportant?
What memories do you cherish?
What do you regret?
What do your friends say about you?
And your family?
Let your pen flow, this is not a school assignment: it’s your life
By answering these questions, you will be able to define your long-term goals.
If you are wondering how to translate these goals into objectives and actions to take today, in the Goal Accelerator Program I share some strategies to do so. Read the note (*) for more information.
GOALS WITH THE TWO METHODS COMPARED
Here are some examples of goals defined with the flip-flop guru's method (the Trap of Having and Being More) and with Memento Mori.
LESSON LEARNED
A method for defining goals may seem simple and harmless, but it can actually influence and drastically change the trajectory of our life and career.
For example, if your goal is to become a millionaire and buy a private jet to impress your friends and take them on vacation, you will probably have to work a lot, even on weekends, neglecting more important aspects of your life, such as family, your passions, and even your friends.
THE INVITATION I HAVE FOR YOU
Choose the method carefully and define your long-term goals with great attention.
Challenge societal expectations and choose goals that truly make you happy.
It takes courage, but it is the key to an authentic and meaningful life.